Inspirational Words: Compassion and Suffering

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“When another person makes you suffer, it is because he suffers deeply within himself, and his suffering is spilling over. He does not need punishment; he needs help. That’s the message he is sending.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

When we are hurt by someone, our first instinct is not to help them or to show compassion.  Unfortunately, our immediate reaction may be to lash out or retaliate.  But what does this accomplish?

By enjoying a moment of revenge, we miss out on the opportunity to help others and to change the world we live in.  We are all a part of the same wonderful Source, so let’s choose to remember this even in times of strife.  One by one, we can show love and compassion for others, thus making this world a better place. Let us start today.

We all know that life is full of suffering, but not everyone knows how to cope.  You may be ignored, cursed, looked down upon, or cut off in traffic.  You may be insulted, yelled at, ridiculed or belittled.  No matter what mistreatment you face, stop for a moment to consider the suffering of the person who is harming you.  Instead of judging them or responding in an equally cruel manner, make a higher choice.  Be the “bigger” person.

Chances are good that the person who hurts you is not inherently evil.  He or she is just someone who is suffering deep within. Consider the pain that may be the root of his actions.  Even if it takes every bit of goodness within you to see the bigger picture, you are capable of the Highest choices.  You are capable of love, restraint, and compassion for others.

Everyone suffers at some point in their life, yet there is nothing stopping you (or me) from dealing with each other more gently, more lovingly.  Nothing prevents you from showing compassion for others.  Once you understand that hurt people hurt people, the answer becomes clear.

Fighting fire with fire only makes more fire.  By the same token, hurting someone who is hurt only creates more hurt in the world.  What role will you have in this vicious cycle? Will you help it to continue repeating itself?  Will you begin to break that cycle by helping instead others instead of retaliating?

Rudeness, frowning faces, aggression, bad attitudes, hot tempers—these are the defense mechanisms of a person in pain. Will you reach out with compassion, even if it means resisting your overwhelming desire to retaliate?  Will you listen more closely to what they’re truly crying out for—recognition, help, love, peace, relief, understanding, appreciation. You know the Highest choice, but will you make it?

Love those who are hurting. Bestow compassion and positive energy upon them. This is the path to healing.  As long as one of us is suffering and in need of healing, there is work for the rest of us to do.

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9 Steps to Work Less and Do More

Like most people, my life has been spent balancing my yearning for laziness—tropical islands with fruit-flavored beverages figure heavily in my life goals—with a burning desire to achieve great things, like invent a robotic Bumble Bee. The answer has been finding ways to achieve great things, using as little work as possible. Fortunately, there’s ample room for finding ways to work less and get more done.

Here are nine simple things I’ve learned over the years about how to get results without working too hard. Indeed, there are nine steps because ten steps would be way too much work). If you’re still working towards your own tropical island paradise, I hope these put you speedily—and lazily—on your way.

Step 1. Live on purpose. Stop occasionally and ask, “Why am I doing what I’m doing?” Make sure your tasks align with your higher-level goals. If you’re emailing a friend, ask “Why?” If you’re doing it because you want connection, maybe picking up the phone is a better choice.

Step 2: Stop procrastinating. Easy to say, hard to do. Get a procrastination buddy. Every couple of weeks, declare an “Action day.” Check in hourly for just 2-3 minutes. Make sure you’re each making progress on what you’ve been procrastinating. (I hold free action days, as well. You can sign up at http://www.SteverRobbins.com/actiondays).

Step 3: Conquer your technology. If you’re reading this, you’re probably as addicted to technology as I am. Divorce your technology! Turn off your PDA, and move your computer away from your main workspace. Don’t think of your computer as a place to hang out; use it like a tool, for specific tasks. Get it out when you need it, and put it away when you’re done.

Step 4: Cultivate focus. Declare a part of your day (or a whole day) to be a focus time. Turn off email, unplug your phone, and close your office door. Then defer any non-life-threatening interruptions to a time after your focus time.

Step 5: Stay organized (mentally as well as physically). Organized doesn’t mean neat; it just means that you know where things are when you need them. If you have piles of “this needs a home” stuff in your office, stop and give it a home, even if that home is a pile somewhere. Just make it official, so when you need it something, you know where it is.

Step 6: Don’t waste time. Re-making decisions is a hidden way we waste time. For repeated decisions, pre-decide by creating an “Absolute Yes” list that spells out an automatic “Yes.” For example, “we’ll restock supplies with any pen that has a gel ink and .07mm tip will be suitable.” When it’s time to order supplies, you just grab the first pen that meets the specs.

Step 7: Optimize! Re-examine how you work every now and then. Ask how you can improve your own work habits. If you notice your mind is clearer in the morning, schedule your deep-thought activities before noon. If you notice afternoon is best for you, make that your prime time.

Step 8: Build stronger relationships. Ask for help! When you’re trying to reach a Huge Honkin’ Goal, ask friends and colleagues for help. Build the relationship in advance, however, by being there for them starting today.

Step 9: Leverage. Be on the lookout for ways to get big results from little work. If you can reuse content, create form letters that can be quickly customized, or help large numbers of people by doing work once that can be given to all of them, you’ll be able to reap oversized results from a  single effort.

These nine steps are broad categories. You can implement each one in many different ways. You owe it to yourself to get the most out of the work you put in; notice how you do work, and use these principles—and any others you know!—to rearrange your life so you work less and do more.

Stever Robbins (http://www.SteverRobbins.com) is a serial entrepreneur, the author of Get-it-Done Guy’s 9 Steps to Work Less and Do More (http://www.WorkLessAndDoMore.com), host of the #1 iTunes business podcast The Get-it-Done Guy, and an adjunct lecturer at Babson College. He is currently working on his 10th startup.

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5000 Year-Old Medical Secret Unearthed!

When you get sick, you go to the doctor. And the doctor will, of course, prescribe medicines. You will go and buy medicines. You take them, and hopefully, you get well.

This is how the health profession goes on nowadays – a cycle of diagnosis and prescription.

If anyone were to give you herbs for medicine, you would probably say that that person was a quack.

But nowadays, studies are being conducted to see if there are really is any merit to what is called natural medicine.

Natural medicine is the use of natural methods, herbal medicines, and traditional practices to heal ailments. Every culture has a form of natural medicine. In ancient cultures, village medicine men served as the doctors of the community, passing on medical knowledge to the apprentices that followed them.

Many categories of the healing methods fall under natural medicine. Among these are traditional medicine, complementary medicine, and alternative medicine.

Usually, natural medicine refers to medical practices that were in place before the advent of modern medicine.

This includes herbal medicine, or phytotherapy, which is prevalent in Chinese, Ayurvedic(or Indian), and Greek medicine.

Upon the advent of modern medicine, many professionals discarded the use of herbs in favor of man-made medicine. The fact that these treatments are based on the healing properties of some herbs was forgotten.

For example, opium, digitalis, quinine, and aspirin all have their roots in traditional medicine.

Natural medicine can be considered as a lost art. This does not mean that it has lost efficacy over time. In some cases, natural therapy is actually better than modern medicine. This leads some doctors to seriously consider and study the possible uses of natural medicine

Before we continue, it is important to stress that not all the natural remedies are legitimate. It would help to only try those remedies which have been thoroughly studied and are relatively risk free.

Take herbal medicine for example. There are many well-documented and studied herbal remedies available. However, only those that deal with minor ailments such as cough, colds, fever, skin rashes, and its ilk are likely to be recommended by health professionals. These remedies are sometimes superior to synthetic medicine. This is because herbal medicines are less likely to cause negative side effects.

Currently there are numerous organizations that study the effects and advocacy of natural medicine – among which is herbal medicine. Some governments and health agencies openly advocate the use of natural methods since they are inexpensive and relatively risk-free.

As their studies compile, more herbs and treatments are added to the list of accepted medicines. However, many herbs and treatments have been proven to be bogus medicine. This represents a challenge for both the user and the agencies because they have to ascertain that the treatments they either use or advocate are legitimate.

There exist today many alternative medical treatments that fall under natural medicine. However, not all of them have been proven to be effective. You could mention homeopathy, aromatherapy, acupuncture, and other alternative medical treatments. It would pay to consult the experts as to the legitimacy of these treatments.

Natural medicine should also be thought of as an accompanying medicine. Right now, the current collective medical thought suggests that natural medicine be used only to supplement accepted modern medical practices. In that case of minor ailments your expert we actually advise you to take natural therapies instead.

The practice of modern medicine revolves around diagnosing an illness and prescribing treatments for such. Natural medicine is helpful because it suggests that treatment be not necessarily given only when sick. Natural medicine strives to make each patient practice good health habits. These habits include good diet, healthy living, and the regular natural treatment.

It is this same line of thought that leads our parents to tell us to eat our vegetables. Yes, a healthy lifestyle and will do no harm to our well-being. And this is the foundation of natural medicine – may it be massage, herbal medicine, aromatherapy or others.

It is funny but true that science, in its quest for excellence, is studying the knowledge of sages past. This, surprisingly, leads us back to the remedies nature offers. The possibilities of finding remedies to everyday illnesses in natural medicine are encouraging. So staying tuned to studying these remedies is worthwhile until we can verify that these therapies are truly helpful to our health and our society.

"Relaxing with a Mental PDA" Your 5 minutes daily program to Stress management

We all have this favorite expression when it comes to being stressed out, and I wouldn't bother naming all of them since it may also vary in different languages. But when it comes down to it, I think that it is how we work or even relax, for that matter that triggers stress. Ever been stressed even when you're well relaxed and bored? I know I have.

Since Error! Hyperlink reference not valid. is unavoidable in life, it is important to find ways to decrease and prevent stressful incidents and decrease negative reactions to stress. Here are some of the things that can be done by just remembering it, since life is basically a routine to follow like brushing your teeth or eating breakfast. You can do a few of them in a longer span of time, but as they say-- every minute counts.

Managing time

Time management skills can allow you more time with your family and friends and possibly increase your performance and productivity. This will help reduce your stress.

To improve your time management:

· Save time by focusing and concentrating, delegating, and scheduling time for yourself.

· Keep a record of how you spend your time, including work, family, and leisure time.

· Prioritize your time by rating tasks by importance and urgency. Redirect your time to those activities that are important and meaningful to you.

· Manage your commitments by not over- or undercommitting. Don't commit to what is not important to you.

· Deal with procrastination by using a day planner, breaking large projects into smaller ones, and setting short-term deadlines.

· Examine your beliefs to reduce conflict between what you believe and what your life is like.

Build healthy coping strategies

It is important that you identify your coping strategies. One way to do this is by recording the stressful event, your reaction, and how you cope in a stress journal. With this information, you can work to change unhealthy coping strategies into healthy ones-those that help you focus on the positive and what you can change or control in your life.

Lifestyle

Some behaviors and lifestyle choices affect your stress level. They may not cause stress directly, but they can interfere with the ways your body seeks relief from stress. Try to:

· Balance personal, work, and family needs and obligations.

· Have a sense of purpose in life.

· Get enough sleep, since your body recovers from the stresses of the day while you are sleeping.

· Eat a balanced diet for a nutritional defense against stress.

· Get moderate exercise throughout the week.

· Limit your consumption of alcohol.

· Don't smoke.

Social support

Social support is a major factor in how we experience stress. Social support is the positive support you receive from family, friends, and the community. It is the knowledge that you are cared for, loved, esteemed, and valued. More and more research indicates a strong relationship between social support and better mental and physical health.

Changing thinking

When an event triggers negative thoughts, you may experience fear, insecurity, anxiety, depression, rage, guilt, and a sense of worthlessness or powerlessness. These emotions trigger the body's stress, just as an actual threat does. Dealing with your negative thoughts and how you see things can help reduce stress.

· Thought-stopping helps you stop a negative thought to help eliminate stress.

· Disproving irrational thoughts helps you to avoid exaggerating the negative thought, anticipating the worst, and interpreting an event incorrectly.

· Problem solving helps you identify all aspects of a stressful event and find ways to deal with it.

· Changing your communication style helps you communicate in a way that makes your views known without making others feel put down, hostile, or intimidated. This reduces the stress that comes from poor communication. Use the assertiveness ladder to improve your communication style.

Even writers like me can get stressed even though we're just using our hands to do the talking, but having to sit for 7 or 8 hours is already stressful enough and have our own way to relieve stress. Whether you're the mail guy, the CEO, or probably the average working parent, stress is one unwanted visitor you would love to boot out of your homes, especially your life.

The Powers of a Positive Attitude

I am going to ask you to something very weird right now. First of all, I want you to listen to your thoughts. Now tell me, what thoughts fill your head? Would you label them as positive, or negative?

Now let's say you are walking down the street with these thoughts. Do you think anyone who would meet you would be able to tell you what’s on your mind?

The answer to number one is up to you. But, the answer number two can be pretty generic. Although people will not be able to tell you exactly what you think, they will more or less have an idea of how you are feeling.

Here's another question. When you enter a party filled with friends, do they all fall silent as if something terrible had happened? Or does everybody there perk up as if waiting for something exciting to happen?

You know what? The answer to all these depends on your frame of mind.

Thoughts are very powerful. They affect your general attitude. The attitude you carry reflects on your appearance, too – unless, of course, you are a great actor.

And it doesn't end there. Your attitude can also affect people around you.

The type of attitude you carry depends on you. It can be either positive or negative.

Positive thoughts have a filling effect. They are admittedly invigorating. Plus, the people around the person carrying positive thoughts are usually energized by this type of attitude.

Negative thoughts on the other hand have a sapping effect on other people. Aside from making you look gloomy and sad, negative thoughts can turn a festive gathering into a funeral wake.

A positive attitude attracts people, while a negative attitude repels them. People tend to shy away from those who carry a negative attitude.

We can also define attitude as the way of looking at the world. If you choose to focus on the negative things in the world, more or less you have a negative attitude brewing up. However, if you choose to focus on the positive things, you are more likely carry a positive attitude.

You have much to gain from a very positive attitude. For one, studies have shown that a positive attitude promotes better health. Those with this kind of attitude also have more friends. projecting a positive attitude also helps one to handle stress and problems better than those who have a negative attitude.

A positive attitude begins with a healthy self-image. If you will love the way you are and are satisfied, confident, and self-assured, you also make others are around feel the same way.

A negative attitude, on the other hand, has, of course, an opposite effect. So, carrying a negative attitude has a twofold drawback. You feel bad about yourself, and you make others feel the same way.

If you want to have a positive attitude, you have to feature healthy thoughts. This is probably very hard to do nowadays since, all around us, the media feeds us nothing but negative thoughts. A study shows that for every 14 things a parent says to his or her child, only one is positive. This is truly a saddening thought.

If you want a healthier outlook in life, you need to think happy thoughts, and you have to hear positive things as well. So, what can you do? Well, for starters, you could see a funny movie, you could play with children, spend some time telling jokes with friends. All these activities fill you with positive stimuli, which in turn promotes positive attitude.

Although it is impossible to keep ourselves from the negative things around us, you can still carry a positive attitude by focusing on the good things, the positive things in life.

And this positive attitude you now carry can be of benefit to other people. Sometimes when other people feel down, the thing people mostly do is try to give them advice. But sometimes, all they need is somebody to sit by them, and listen to them. If you have a positive attitude you may be able to cheer them up without even having to say anything.

If positive attitude is really great, why do people choose to adopt a negative attitude instead? One who carries a negative attitude may be actually sending a signal for attention. Before you get me wrong, feeling sad, angry, or gloomy is not wrong itself. But dwelling on these thoughts for far too long is not healthy either. There is a time to mourn.

As always, if you are beset by troubles, even in your darkest hour, focus on the good things in life, you will always have hope. Problems become something you can overcome.

You do not have much to lose by adopting a healthy, positive attitude. Studies show that such an attitude actually retards aging, makes you healthier, helps you develop a better stress coping mechanism, and has a very positive effect on all the people you meet every day. So, what's not to like about a positive attitude? Adopt one today.

What Innovation Can Do to Your Life

It's a talent that everyone has, yet they think they don't. The power of innovation. If you've ever marvelled at somebody's creative prowess, guess what, you can create and innovate too. It just takes time. Everyone is born creative. The box of crayons in kindergarten were not limited to those who possessed potential; because the truth is, everybody has potential.

You know how long it took to learn to ride a bike or drive or to never commit the same mistake again? It's the same with innovation. It takes a bit of practice and a lot of time before this mind function comes easily when called. This article will teach you a few tips on how to bring innovation into your life.

Don't listen to what other people say. Follow the beat of your own drum. Allowing for the input of other people will only bring cacophony to the music you are trying to make. If you have an original idea, don't waste your time and effort trying to make people understand. They won't. And the help you will probably get comes in the form of negative feedback. If all those geniuses listened to their peers, we would probably still be living in the middle ages.

Spend time on it. I cannot stress that enough, although, please do not mistake this tip to tell you to quit your day job entirely. Do not. This involves some tricky time management but with a little discipline you'll be able to squeeze both in.

Exercise. Take a walk. Run a mile or two. Send all those endorphins coursing through your veins. Exercising certainly clears and relaxes your mind and allows for anything to pop up.

Record your dreams. Aren't some of them just the craziest things that your conscious mind would never have thought of? If you've had these dreams before, and I'm sure have, this only shows you the untapped innovative power you have lying within. So jot down those notes. Those dreams may just create an innovative spark in you.

Find your own style. You can always tell a Van Gogh from a Matisse. You'll know Hemingway wrote something by the choice of words on the paper. So it is the same with you. People will appreciate your innovation more because it is uniquely yours and that no one else would have thought of what you were thinking. That will let people see how valuable an asset you are.

Don't hide behind nifty gadgets or tools. You don't need the most expensive set of paints to produce a masterpiece. The same way with writing. You don't need some expensive fountain pen and really smooth paper for a bestseller. In fact, J.K. Rowling wrote the first book of the Harry Potter Series on bits of tissue. So what if you've got an expensive SLR camera if you're a crappy photographer? Who cares if you've got a blinging laptop if you can't write at all? The artist actually reduces the number of tools he has as he gets better at his craft: he knows what works and what doesn't.

Nothing will work without passion. What wakes you up in the mornings? What keeps the flame burning? What is the one thing that you'll die if you don't do? Sometimes people with talent are overtaken by the people who want it more. Think the hare and the tortoise. Ellen Degeneres once said that if you're not doing something that you want to do, then you don't really want to do it. And that's true. Sometimes you just want something so bad you become a virtual unstoppable. And that is passion. Passion will keep you going.

Don't worry about inspiration. You can't force it; inspiration hits when you least expect it to, for those unpredictable yet inevitable moments you should prepare. An idea could strike you on the subway, yet alas, you poor unfortunate soul; you have no sheet of paper to scribble down a thought that could change the world. Avoid these disasters. Have a pen and paper within your arm's reach at all times.

I hope this article has helped you bring more innovation into your life. Keep in mind that you're doing these things for your own satisfaction and not anybody else's. But soon enough they will notice, and everything should snowball from there.

Creating Effective and Efficient Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are often perceived as very delicate things, that require extra effort to maintain. However, a relationship can also be something that can provide security and can also be long lasting despite many trials.

Building an effective and lasting relationships is a necessity for several reasons. For example in a group or organization, the well being of the people depends on how efficient and effective that group or organization works.

The group or organization is also dependent on how the members work well with the management.

An ineffective group or organization can really be very frustrating. An effective group or organization can also ask so much on their members, that sometimes the members would be having no life outside the walls of the area where they work or sacrifice the other aspects of their life just to meet deadlines. For an organization or group with this kind of scenario, relationships can be stressed or suffer from breakdown.

People or other entities who depend on these groups or organization also suffer.

Society is defined as a web of relationships, which requires all parties to work and contribute their share in order to achieve a common goal. Having a relationship that is good, where cooperation and respect are manifested, can make society work better. In this way each member works for the good of the whole and towards achieving a common goal. This can only be attained with effective and efficient relationships.

Understanding the other parties' feeling and position creates an effective and efficient relationship. The easiest method to understand what is important to another party is to ask them what they want and listen to what they have to say. When the other party realizes this, they would feel the importance given to them

Effective and efficient relationships require parties to openly express their feelings and positions on all matters pertinent on the relationship. Assuming that the other party understands our needs and give us when we need it without asking for it is not a good practice.

Respect is the key to relationship. In order to create a more effective relationship, parties should treat each other with respect. We can show respect just by listening to the other party and by trying sincerely to understand how they function. You can also show respect to other parties by confirming that they are doing everything they can.

The opposite of respect is quick forming of judgements based on unfounded facts and prejudice.

Respect is the very foundation for a great relationship. This also means respecting yourself and respecting others.

Another key area in forming an effective relationship is to tackle differences of the other party directly. Differences between parties or people are quite interesting. For example in a conversation where each party listens to the other party, you may observe that each is having two different perspectives.

Work towards a win-win solution for both parties.

This can be done when at least one party acknowledges that the relationship is important. That party would then exert more time, effort and energy to understand the other party's needs and deal with it to get it out of the way. Should they fail, it is comforting for that party to know that they tried.

Effectively listening and no pre-judging. This is important if parties are to understand each other.

Informal discussions are conducive for parties. They bring out issues and concerns comfortably. They also feel more relaxed making them think more clearly.

Developing an atmosphere where the other party can express their feelings when they need to.

When parties fail to express whatever is on their mind or their feelings, it can get in the way of building an effective relationship.

Parties should be aware that certain things exist naturally but should be controlled in any dealings in any relationship. Human nature is one. Some of these things found in a relationship also include a history of stereotyping or mistrust, blaming the other person or party for a strained relationship, excluding the other party's feelings when focusing on a task, no clear and defined objectives, roles and expectations of each party in a relationship is also unclear.

Relationships are important to anyone, addressing issues and problems right away is a must to further improve the relationship. As they say 'No man is an Island'.

25 Amazing Self Improvement Ideas

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Fun, challenging, rewarding, exhilarating, joyful, satisfying. Are these the words that describe your life? I sure hope they do. In fact, I wish these words were the description of everyone’s life. To the contrary, millions of people continuously seek self improvement information to help them cope with a life that doesn’t measure up to their dreams.

This list of 25 self improvement ideas is not meant to be an all encompassing life fixer-upper, but it is a powerful starting place. No matter how great (or not so great) your life may be, applying some of these life changing self improvement ideas will help to make your days a little brighter.

1. Practice patience with yourself and others. Instead of rushing through life, pause to fully experience the journey.

2. Try to understand others instead of judging them. Look closely at your perception of others for opportunities to be more loving, tolerant, compassionate, and open minded.

3. Listen more than you talk. Listening skills are the core of all knowledge, personal growth, self development, and success. You’ll be amazed by what you learn when you close your mouth and listen intently to those around you. In all that you do, open your ears and heart.

4. Surround yourself with positive, motivated people. It’s easier to accomplish self improvement goals when your inner circle is filled with those who share your ambitions.

5. Reduce or eliminate communication with toxic people. Allowing growth often means letting go of those things (and people) that do not serve you. Detachment from sources of negativity is not always easy, but it’s a big step towards self improvement success.

6. Learn to apply Universal Law of Attraction. As you understand how your thoughts create your reality, it becomes crystal clear that self improvement is a matter of attracting your desires through deliberate creation.

7. Begin and end each day with meditation. Meditation is a wonderful way to reduce stress, creating a sense of inner peace and calm. The physical and emotional benefits show up in all aspects of your life.

8. Watch less T.V. If productivity, mindfulness, positivity, and/or brain fitness are important self improvement goals to you, it’s a great idea to give up your addiction to television.

9. Live in the present moment. Learning to accept both the unchangeable past and the unpredictable future is the only way to live your best life. Life is happening now and only now.

10. Hypnosis. Hypnosis can be used effectively to stop smoking, lose weight, feel more confident, overcome phobias, and accomplish many other positive changes.

11. Write and recite positive affirmations. With daily practice, positive affirmations become positive beliefs; and positive beliefs create positive life experiences.

12. Listen to positive subliminal messages. Subliminal messaging can be used to bypass the logical part of your mind that makes it hard to believe (and benefit from) positive affirmations. This is a wonderful self help method for combating deeply held negative beliefs.

13. Forgive yourself for past mistakes. The only thing worse than holding grudges against others is holding grudges against yourself. By forgiving yourself for failures and mistakes, you become free of emotional baggage that may stunt your personal growth.

15. Be a better friend. True friends are the meat of your support system, thus nurturing these friendships is a powerful part of improving your life. Once you identify the friends that you hold dearest to your heart, dedicate the time and effort required to foster these important bonds.

16. Be wisely selfish. Always remember to take care of yourself first and foremost. The better you are to yourself, the better you can be for others.

17. Practice healthy relationship skills. The quality of your relationships is a direct correlation to the quality of your life. Self improvement and relationship improvement go hand in hand.

18. Define your fundamental values and boundaries. When you know who you are and where you stand, it’s easier to make decisions and to teach others how to treat you.

19. Replace aggressive and/or passive behaviors with assertiveness. Whether you avoid confrontation or step on toes whenever you please, you may still benefit from assertiveness training. Learn the art of getting your needs met and going about it in the best possible way.

20. Get over the quest for perfectionism. To increase productivity and overall life satisfaction, give yourself permission to embrace imperfection. Nothing is more counterproductive than waiting around for people or circumstances to be just right.

21. Get plenty of exercise, preferably outside in nature. Ever heard the saying, “Use it or lose it?” This definitely applies to your body. Keep those muscles working and you’ll reap the enormous benefits of treating your body with loving care.

22. Eat a healthy diet. No matter how much you exercise, it is still important to eat right. They say you are what you eat. I’m not sure if anyone has ever turned into a french fry, but I do know that we end up looking and feeling like what we eat. If you survive on food that’s crappy, there’s a good chance that you’ll look and feel the same.

23. Perform self esteem exercises. No matter how you look or what you accomplish, it is important to feel good about yourself. Self improvement works from the inside out and there are several self esteem exercises that can help you build the confidence necessary to take life to another level.

24. Choose a spiritual path that resonates with your Inner Being. Spirituality is important for everyone. Even if it means straying away from the religion of your childhood, get in touch with the spiritual you.

25. Eliminate argument techniques that cause resentment and ineffective communication. Disagreements are not avoidable, but you can handle them in a way that resolves problems rather than multiplying them.

Ok…it’s time for comments. Which of the 25 self improvement ideas will you starting applying? Have you already applied some of them successfully? Is there any other self improvement information that you’d like to share?

Please share this post to show your support: Tagged as: personal growth, Self improvement information, Self improvement techniques

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What is Your Portable Power?

By Bonnie Marcus -

Author and five time CEO, Margaret Heffernan, was recently a guest on my radio show, Head over Heels Radio. Our discussion covered many interesting topics relative to women and business, but one that really got my attention was what Margaret refers to as “portable power”.

Portable power according to Heffernan is unique to each person. It is the sum total of your skills and experience, your professional and personal networks, and your financial independence. You own this power and take it with you wherever you go.

I have given this topic more thought and a couple of questions come to mind. How many women are actually aware of their portable power? If they were more connected to their portable power, would they behave differently?

Let’s try to do our own assessment. How would you rate your own portable power as defined by Margaret Heffernan?

1. Skills and Experience

List all your business and personal skills.

Business: i.e. computer skills, analytical skills, business acumen, selling skills, creativity, problem solving, team player, visionary

Personal: i.e. organized, tenacious, passionate, loving and nurturing, soulful, healthy, focused, outgoing

List your business and personal experiences

What has your experience in business taught you?

what companies have you worked for?

what industries?

what different types of positions?

what have you learned about running a department? your own business?

What  life lessons have you learned?

childhood experiences

relationships, children

community activity

living in different parts of the country, the world

travel

education, reading

2. Rate your personal and professional network strength

Who is in your personal network? Look at your email address book, Facebook and other social media friends, your cell phone contact list.

Estimate the number. I bet it’s a lot, right?

Your professional network consists of business colleagues from past as well as current positions, people you have met through networking events and online.

Count your social media connections as well.

Which is larger, your personal or professional network? Where is your strength?

3. Rate your financial independence

How much money is in your checking account? Your savings account?

What about your 401K? stock portfolio?

Do you own your own home?

Are you worried about paying the rent each month?

How long can you live comfortably without a pay check?

How do you rate your financial independence?

If  “portable power” is the sum total of all of this: your skills and experience, professional and personal networks, and financial independence, how powerful are you? Where do you need to devote more time and effort?

AND, will the knowledge of your “portable power” affect your decisions about whether or not to leave your job, start your own business, or leave a bad relationship?

Knowing how much power you have builds the self confidence to choose and make sound decisions. You take this power with you wherever you go. It’s who you are.

About: Bonnie:
Bonnie Marcus, M.Ed., CEC, is a Certified Executive Coach, motivational speaker, and radio show host. Her weekly show, Head Over Heels: Women's Business Radio, airs live on the VoiceAmerica Business channel Tuesdays 2pm Eastern. As the founder and principal of Women’s Success Coaching, Bonnie’s specialty is helping women in business achieve success and maximize their potential. She assists women with promoting themselves effectively in order to advance their careers and grow their businesses. Bonnie is well known for her motivational speaking and innovative workshops. She received a BA from Connecticut College and a M.Ed. from New York University. For additional information on Bonnie’s services, you can visit her website, http://www.womenssuccesscoaching.com Listen to Head Over Heels: Women's Business Radio http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vshow.aspx?sid=1612

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How To Break Bad Habits

Do you talk over people during conversations?

Do you bite your nails when you are nervous?

Do you drink like a fish or pop pills like a pharmacist?

Have you ever told a lie to get a point across?

Have you ever ignored the people you were with for a better conversation with someone on your cell phone?

Has your recent predicament made you so worried that you can’t focus on anything?

Good, you are human. Each and every person on this earth has habits rather good or bad. There are just some things that we tend to do automatically. They have become so repetitive that they almost seem natural. Habits are inherently neutral but speaking for myself I seem to have more bad ones than good and I think I would greatly benefit from turning the tables. So how do you break bad habits?

WHAT IS A HABIT?

Now in order to break a bad habit you must have a clear understanding of what a habit is. Habits are behaviors that are repeated automatically without any thought or intent. They are so routine that they happen subconsciously. Many of them are created by repetition of a reaction to a specific situation or a measurable amount of positive stimuli.

We all have habits, good and bad, that effect how we respond in various situations. Take me for example. Whenever I get a chance to watch my favorite show Man vs. Wild I must have an ice cold glass of milk and Oreos. That is my good habit. J My bad habit is throwing my dirty clothes on a recliner chair in our bedroom that drives my wife nuts. She thinks we should use the chair for sitting. I use it as a dirty clothes hamper. We have agreed to disagree.

THE STEPS

In an attempt to stay married, for at least another year, I have decided it would be best to get rid of my unproductive habit. Here are a few steps that I have taken on my long road to self improvement that I think will help you as well. Some are easier than others. Good Luck.

Step One

Recognize your habits

You might not notice that every word that comes out of your mouth is negative. Maybe your compulsive drinking habit doesn’t bother you at all. The nature of habits makes them sometimes difficult to detect. They happen on a subconscious level. So if you don’t have your wife screaming at you to stop leaving your clothes in the chair they may require some personal reflecting to identify them. Others may stick out like a person wearing a ‘Go Lebron’ t-shirt at a Cleveland Cavaliers game. Take some time and examine yourself to recognize you habits, good and bad.

Step Two

Replace bad habits with a positive alternative

In my own progression towards becoming a better me and avoiding annoying my wife I have decided to put my dirty clothes in the – wait for it – dirty clothes hamper. This has done some amazing things at my home. For one I don’t have to get screamed at for throwing my clothes in the chair. Secondly I have a comfy chair to drink my ice cold milk and eat Oreos in. It was win-win scenario.

It is best to select an alternative that will have benefits that are apparent and numerous. This will help you maintain the momentum and create a good habit instead of a bad one.

Ex: If you sit in a chair and eat Oreos while watching TV it might be better to run on a treadmill while you watch TV and eat you Oreos. By using this technique you will burn the calories that you gain from eating cookies and improve your endurance for other things.

Step Three

Focus on the positive alternative instead of avoiding the negative one.

Spend your energy and focus on creating positive habits that will benefit you. I don’t know about you but when I try to avoid something intentionally I usually end up doing it because it is always on mind. Alter your focus on modeling good behaviors. In my situation I started by trying to avoid throwing my belongings in the chair. Now I try to make sure I clean up the room every night before I go to bed. Guess what happens when I clean up? The chair often ends up empty until Man vs. Wild comes on.

Bad habits can be broken and good ones acquired but they require the same amount of repetition and consistency that you put in the negative ones. I hear it only takes 21 days to form a habit. I will let you know I am on day 2.

Now it is your turn. I am looking for some help on breaking a bad habit. Share your thoughts and links below I can’t wait to read them.

Frank Jennings is a freelance writer and the founder of A Spark Starts -  ‘All it takes is one spark to start a fire that can change your life!’

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

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Genuine Happiness Comes from Within

Life isn’t the sweetest candy. Sometimes, when I feel like the world is just too heavy, I look around and find people who continued to live fascinating and wonderful lives. And then thoughts come popping into my mind like bubbles from nowhere – “How did their life become so adorably sweet? How come they still can manage to laugh and play around despite a busy stressful life?” Then I pause and observed for awhile… I figured out that maybe, they start to work on a place called ‘self’.

So, how does one become genuinely happy? Step 1 is to love yourself.

My theology professor once said that “loving means accepting.” To love oneself means to accept that you are not a perfect being, but behind the imperfections must lie a great ounce of courage to be able to discover ways on how to improve your repertoire to recover from our mistakes.

Genuine happiness also pertains to contentment. When you are contented with the job you have, the way you look, with your family, your friends, the place you live in, your car, and all the things you now have – truly, you know the answer to the question “how to be genuinely happy.”

When we discover a small start somewhere from within, that small start will eventually lead to something else, and to something else. But if you keep questioning life lit it has never done you any good, you will never be able to find genuine happiness.

I believe that life is about finding out about right and wrong, trying and failing, wining and losing. These are things that happen as often as you inhale and exhale. Failure, in a person’s life has become as abundant and necessary as air. But this should not hinder us from becoming happy.

How to be genuinely happy in spite all these? I tell you… every time you exert effort to improve the quality of life and your being, whether it is cleaning up your room, helping a friend, taking care of your sick dog, fail on board exams and trying again, life gives you equivalent points for that.

Imagine life as a big score board like those which are used in the NFLs. Every time you take a step forward, you make scoring points. Wouldn’t it be nice to look at that board at the end of each game and think to yourself “Whew! I got a point today. I’m glad I gave it a shot.”, instead of looking at it all blank and murmur “Geez, I didn’t even hit a score today. I wish I had the guts to try out. We could have won!” and then walk away.

Genuine happiness isn’t about driving the hottest Formula 1 car, nor getting the employee of the year award, earning the highest 13th month pay, or beating the sales quota. Sometimes, the most sought after prizes in life doesn’t always go to the fastest, the strongest, the bravest or not even the best. So, how do you become genuinely happy? Every one has his own definition of ‘happiness’. Happiness for a writer may mean launching as much best selling books as possible. Happiness for a basketball rookie may mean getting the rookie of the year award. Happiness for a beggar may mean a lot of money. Happiness for a business man may mean success. So, really now, how do we become genuinely happy? Simple. You don’t have to have the best things in this world. Its about doing and making the best out of every single thing. When you find yourself smiling at your own mistake and telling your self “Oh, I’ll do better next time”, you carry with you a flame of strong will power to persevere that may spread out like a brush fire. You possess a willingness to stand up again and try – that will make you a genuinely happy person.

When you learn to accept yourself and your own faults. You pass step 1 in the project “how to become genuinely happy”.For as long as you know how to accept others, you will also be accepted. For as long as you love and know how to love, you will receive love ten folds back.

Again, throw me that same question “how to become genuinely happy?”. I’ll refer you to a friend of mine who strongly quoted- “Most of us know that laughter is the best medicine to life’s aches and pain. But most of us don’t know that the best kind of laughter is laughter over self. Coz then you don’t just become happy… you become free.”

Overcoming the Guilt and Shame of Rape and Childhood Trauma

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Self improvement is different for everyone, even more-so for survivors of rape and childhood trauma.  I know this is a sensitive subject, but it’s one that impacts so many lives and it needs to be addressed.

As recent as one year ago, I couldn’t speak these words (or even think about them) without feeling physically ill.  Today I can openly say that I was raped multiple times as a young child.

Throughout my life I have carried the burden of overwhelming guilt and shame as if it was somehow my fault.  I laid awake at night wondering if I could’ve fought a little harder, screamed a little louder, ran a little faster. I tortured myself with thoughts of what I should’ve and could’ve done differently.

I wore a smile that covered up indescribable pain, incessant fear, and emotional agony.  The questions replayed in my head over and over and over.  Was I too stupid, weak, or pathetic to defend myself?  Nobody stood up for me—was that because I was undeserving, unworthy, unwanted, unlovable? What was it about me that made me his choice?

I wasted so much time on self blame.  In my adult years, my way of dealing with it was to completely suppress it.  I pushed it out of my head, swearing that I wouldn’t think about it ever again.  Little did anyone know, it was right there under the surface.

It was there in my timid, apprehensive demeanor.  I was afraid of everything.  Afraid to trust people because they may see in me the same vulnerable little girl that he saw.  Afraid to tell anyone my big secret.  Afraid of being judged for not coming forth, for not escaping, for allowing myself to be a victim.  Nonetheless, I was a highly functioning, successful young woman who did a great job of keeping this secret at bay.  Little did I know, it was only a matter of time before it resurfaced.

While being sexually harassed on the job, everything I’d tried to forget came back to me.  The sexual harassment was not rape, but it was a trigger that caused serious emotional re-injury.  Suddenly, I found myself in that familiar place—blaming myself, wondering why me, too ashamed to speak up, too afraid to defend myself.

Once again, I internalized what was happening to me and assumed responsibility for the actions of the perpetrator.  The nightmares, hypervigilance, insomnia, fear, constant worry, self blame, and feelings of helplessness hit me like a ton of bricks.  I was 11 years old again—but now in a grown woman’s body.

I hated the person who was doing this to me, but I didn’t hate him as much as I hated myself.  I wanted a way out of this life.  The world seemed like such a scary place and I just wanted to escape.  After all, I couldn’t even go to work without feeling afraid.

Suicide crossed my mind frequently just as it had when I was a kid.  I wanted to feel safe.  I wanted to stop being afraid.  I wanted to go somewhere that I wouldn’t have to stand up for myself since I didn’t have the courage to do so.  But then again…maybe I did have the courage after all.

Fast forward…

With a little help from a friend, I made some “big girl” decisions.  I reported the creep that was harassing me at work and took measures to sue the company for negligently leaving me in harm’s way.  That’s not all I did.

I checked into a program designed to help people with post traumatic stress disorder.  That’s right—I admitted that I had not truly dealt with what happened to me as a child. I admitted that I needed help, I took responsibility into my own hands, and I committed to taking back control over my life. That step alone took a lot more courage than I thought I had.

When I say the journey has been a hard one, it is the ultimate understatement. However, it is so worth it.

One thing that helped me to overcome the guilt and shame was to put things into perspective.  I was told to drive by schools and look at 10 to 12 year old kids.  As I watched them play and laugh, I couldn’t imagine why I blamed myself for so long.  I looked at these kids and realized that there is no way in hell anyone in their right mind would fault them for being violated in the way that I was.  It couldn’t possibly be the child’s fault.

To think of one of those kids blaming herself for being raped—oh how it makes my heart ache.  When I take myself out of the equation, replacing me with another person, I see so clearly that the guilt and shame of rape are not warranted.

I acted like a child because I was a child.  I did what I could to defend myself.  The person I confided in did not help me, but that is also not my fault.  No child can be held responsible for the actions of an adult. And no child deserves to be violated.

As suggested by my therapist, I wrote a letter to my rapist.  In this letter, I didn’t hold anything back. I gave myself permission to express every single feeling that I’d been holding in since that day.  I even read the letter aloud to a group.  And I did so shamelessly.

More than anything, what came out was anger.  Anger turned inward is depression, so it makes sense that I hurt so much for so long.  Finally, I let it out and let it go.  I gave ownership of the wrong to the person who committed the wrong.

Through this letter, I released myself from all responsibility for what happened.  But the best part of what came out of writing that letter was forgiveness. Despite all the hurt and pain I’d felt, I forgave him.  Not because I give a damn about him or his life, but because I deserve to be free.  Forgiveness is the key to that freedom.

I will never forget the experience of being raped, but I am no longer ashamed of it.  I am spilling my guts right now to anyone who cares to read this.  I couldn’t have done that a year ago, but I am doing it today because I know there is nothing to be ashamed of. I no longer carry the guilt around like a boulder on my shoulders.

Finally, after years of not dealing with this trauma, I AM FREE.

If you’ve been through something similar, I wish you peace of mind and a complete emotional recovery.  Healing is absolutely, 100% possible and you can overcome the guilt and shame.

I am not implying that writing a letter is all you need for healing. My healing also included Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), several weeks of intensive therapy, inner child work and more.  The journey continues; however, I’m able to move on with life as a new and improved me. Now that’s what I call self improvement.

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Your Recommended Daily Allowance for Relaxation

Stress is the curse of living in modern times. Everyone suffers from stress. And the stress we suffer takes a heavy toll on our bodies, emotions and minds.

Feeling stressed out, worn out by fatigue or just simply having a miserable day, the best thing to do is relax.

Watching television may be a form of relaxation for some, but is not a recommended method by experts. When we watch TV we are bombarded with commercials, ads, sounds and images. So how do we achieve relaxation? If there are thousands of ways we can get stressed, one of them is not meeting deadlines, there are also many ways we can relax.

In recent studies, experts have determined that heart disease is linked to anger and irritability is linked to mental stress. Too much stress brings about ischemia that can lead to or cause a heart attack. Relaxation takes on added importance in light of this matter. Managing your anger and attitude is significant to heart health, and relaxation can help you manage stress.

One way of relaxation is transcendental meditation. Recent studies have also shown that this method might reduce artery blockage, which is a major cause for heart attack and stroke. People practice transcendental meditation by repeating uttering soothing sounds while meditating, this is to achieve total relaxation. The researchers found that practitioners of transcendental meditation significantly reduced the thickness of their arterial wall compared with those who didn't practice transcendental meditation.

Another study on another method of relaxation, acupuncture, seems to reduce high blood pressure by initiating several body functions for the brain to release chemical compounds known as endorphins. Endorphin helps to relax muscles, ease panic, decrease pain, and reduce anxiety.

Yoga is also another method for relaxation and may also have similar effects like acupuncture. In another study, participants were subjected to several minutes of mental stress. Then they were subjected to various relaxation techniques, such as listening to nature sounds or classical music. Only those who did Yoga significantly reduced the time it took for their blood pressures to go back to normal. Yoga is a form of progressive relaxation.

Breathing is one of the easiest methods to relax. Breathing influences alamost all aspects of us, it affects our mind, our moods and our body. Simply focus on your breathing, after some time you can feel its effects right away.

There are several breathing techniques that can help you reduce stress.

Another easy way to achieve relaxation is exercise. If you feel irritated a simple half-hour of exercise will often settle things down. Although exercise is a great way to lose weight, it does not show you how to manage stress appropriately. Exercise should also be used in conjunction with other exercise method.

One great way of relaxation is getting a massage. To gain full relaxation, you need to totally surrender to the handling and touch of a professional therapist.

There are several types of massages that also give different levels of relaxation.

Another method of relaxation is Biofeedback. The usual biofeedback-training program includes a 10-hour sessions that is often spaced one week apart.

Hypnosis is one controversial relaxation technique. It is a good alternative for people who think that they have no idea what it feels like to be relaxed. It is also a good alternative for people with stress related health problems.

Drugs are extreme alternatives to relaxation. They are sometimes not safe and are not effective like the other relaxation methods. This method is only used by trained medical professionals on their patients.

These relaxation techniques are just some of the ways you can achieve relaxation. Another reason why we need to relax, aside from lowering blood pressure in people and decreasing the chances of a stroke or a heart attack, is because stress produces hormones that suppress the immune system, relaxation gives the immune system time to recover and in doing so function more efficiently.

Relaxation lowers the activities within the brains' limbic system; this is the emotional center of our brain.

Furthermore, the brain has a periodic need for a more pronounced activity on the right-hemisphere. Relaxation is one way of achieving this.

Relaxation can really be of good use once a relaxation technique is regularly built into your lifestyle. Choose a technique that you believe you can do regularly.

How to Find More Time For Yourself

I won’t remind you that airlines tell you to fit your oxygen mask before helping others. You already know that, and you know how the analogy goes.

I won’t waste your time patiently explaining why it’s important to have time for yourself, as though it’s something that only really matters because it lets you help others.

You have the right to private time to play, relax, goof off, or do whatever the heck you want. I don’t need to explain that to you, and no-one needs to give you permission.

The problem that you face isn’t knowing why time to yourself is important. It’s finding ways to get that time on a regular basis.

Here are four things to try.

Ever marvel at how you can keep a couple of days free in your calendar when you know you’ll be travelling?

The rest of the time, it seems like every day is packed full: you can’t imagine just having a whole free day open up in the middle of the week.

When you’ve got a meeting, a long trip or a vacation, your calendar stays clear. You’ve blocked out that time in advance, so you don’t fill it up with work or other commitments.

To get more time for yourself, do exactly the same thing. Figure it out in advance:

Plan a “weekend off” several months ahead, so that you don’t end up filling it with the usual social obligations, chores and so on.Find an afternoon once or twice a month where you can escape to the theatre, to a gallery or out into the countryside – whatever makes you feel re-energised and alive.At the start of each day, pick half an hour when you get to do whatever you want: maybe reading a chapter or two of a novel, taking a bath, or going for a jog. You can find half an hour if you look ahead.

Ever settle down for some quality time on your own, only to get interrupted by a housemate or family member? Perhaps you’d just poured yourself a glass of wine and settled down with a magazine when your spouse came in to switch the television on, or maybe you were listening to an audio book when your kids started a screaming competition.

It’s hard to recharge your batteries when you’re surrounded by other people: even if they don’t mean to interrupt you, they often do. Find somewhere you can close the door and get away from it all. (If you’ve got children, that might mean escaping to a coffee shop or somewhere else out of the house.)

It’s absolutely okay to say to a friend I’m not coming out tonight. I need some time by myself. Sure, some extroverts may be puzzled – but they’ll soon get used to it.

Similarly, it’s fine to tell your partner, kids or housemates that you want some quiet time. Obviously you can’t enforce constant silence – but you can ask them to keep it down for an hour while you read or take a nap.

Be clear and assertive (not aggressive) about what you need, and encourage others to behave the same towards you.

Not all hours in the day are equal. You might find that it’s easiest for you to get some peaceful time on your own before the rest of the household is awake: perhaps you get up early to meditate, exercise or read.

Alternatively, you may be barely human until your third coffee of the morning. Perhaps your best time to focus on yourself is in the evening, once the kids are in bed.

Other options are:

Your lunch hour (get out of the office if you can; if you stay at your desk, you’ll still have your mind on work)Stopping at a cafe on the way home from workTaking some time for yourself while your partner or flatmate cooks dinnerSwapping childcare with a friend at weekends, so you both get some time to relax

What other tips do you have for getting enough time to yourself? Share them with us in the comments.

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Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?

By Irene Conlan -

Would you rather be right or happy? This is a questions many counselors ask on a rather frequent basis with their clients and sometimes the answers are surprising. Some people MUST be right all the time and would rather be miserable, isolated and alone than admit someone else might be right. It’s “My way or the highway.” If I’m 100% right and you don’t agree with me, then you’re 100% wrong. Right? Not necessarily. There are always at least two sides to every issue and sometimes more. In politics, for example, there are Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Independent and a smattering of little parties that want to make a point. Each has valid issues and each takes valid stands. So who’s right? Of course, I think my party is but when the votes are cast I live with the results – even if they weren’t my choice. It doesn’t make me wrong, it just means I’m outvoted.

In art there is Impressionism, Cubism, Realism, Abstract, Baroque and so on. So if I have a passion for Monet and you love Picasso, which one of us is right? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, after all. If I say I like Monet, does that make you wrong for linking Picasso? Actually, perhaps we can enjoy them both.

And music? I detest Rap music, acid rock and anything that is loud, bangy, crude and obscene. I love classical, semi-classical, smooth jazz, New Age, nice melodies and words I can understand. But that doesn’t make those in my family that like their music loud and sad wrong. We just have different taste for music. and can allow for those differences. Sometimes beauty is in the ear of the listener.

What if I love the mountains and you love the beach? Which one of us is wrong? Can we do both?

What if I’m a vegetarian and you love meat. Which of us is wrong?

What if I love to read and you love numbers? Which of us is wrong.

What if we see the same movie and I saw it one way and you saw it another? Is there room for two opinions or is your opinion the only one that can be right?

You get the idea. Unless I’m wrong, of course.

We, as humans, have free will. We can choose. Or NOT choose. I have free will, you have free will, Aunt Mabel has free will, Uncle George has free will – we each get to choose. And we bring everything we know and have learned from books and experience to that choice. We make the best decision and best choice we can with the awareness we have at that moment. In five minutes our awareness may change, but right now, I’m doing the best I can – and so are you.

But here’s the rub. If I don’t like myself much, then your telling me that you like the Beatles when I prefer Chopin in someway, in my mind, makes me wrong. Your disagreeing with my choice of a political party and their candidate, puts me on tilt. I can’t stand to be wrong. If you insist on buying something that isn’t what I like, then I will explode so you’ll back off. It’s one more blow to my self esteem and my self-esteem has had all the blows it can handle. So as a defense, I put up my guard and make myself right – all the time. I’ll pout or explode or give you the silent treatment – whatever it takes for you to see it my way and affirm that I am right – as usual.

This may be good for your self esteem for the moment but it will destroy your life in the long run. It’s an example of winning the battle and loosing the war.

If this is you, then what can you do about it?

A starting place is to be a witness of your own behavior. Be aware of why you are reacting so vehemently to someone who disagrees with you. Who is right? Can both of you be right? Because they disagree, does that really make you wrong? Are you reacting from childhood experiences? Did one parent always have to be right and you were never allowed to disagree? Did you have an older sibling who put you down no matter what you said? Did other kids laugh at you because you didn’t agree with their stance? Well, guess what? You’re all grown up now and that is in the past.

Living in the past or bringing the hurts of the past to live in the present is a sure-fire way to retain low self esteem. Live in the now. Know who you are now. Know what you believe now.

So what DO you believe now? Do you know or do you just react? Have you thought it through? Are you reacting on the basis you what your parents told you, by God, is what you’re going to believe whether you want to or not? If you are allowed to have your own beliefs, aren’t others allowed to have theirs as well? Who has absolute hold on absolute truth?

Relax. It’s o.k. to win some and lose some.

Learn to enjoy yourself – warts and all. Laugh at your mistakes (if you can allow yourself to make them).

Ask yourself: Is this issue big enough to explode over? What really matters here? “Don’t sweat the small stuff,” is a valid reminder that perhaps love and friendship is more important than being right. Give and take. Balance is the key.

So if you’re right but you’re all alone because you’ve pushed everyone away – are you happy?

So I ask again, “Would you rather be right or happy?” It’s your choice.

About: Dr. Irene:
Irene Conlan has a master's degree in nursing, with a major in nursing administration and a minor in psychiatric nursing. She taught nursing at Arizona State University, served as Director of Nursing Administration at St. Luke's Hospital and Medical Center in Phoenix and served as Assistant Director of the Arizona Department of Health Services for the Division of Health Care Facilities and Emergency Medical Services. She is also a certified hypnotherapist with a practice in Scottsdale, AZ. She is an avid blogger and manages http://www.theselfimprovementblog.com/http://www.theselfesteemblog.com/ http://www.thepositivepsychologyblog/ Irene lives in Scottsdale AZ and has two sons and three grandsons.

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5 Tactics for Taking an Enormous Risk

I know you. Probably better than you think I do. I know you have some big ideas, some dreams. I know you wonder how you’ll ever actually do them. I know you have responsibilities and choices to make and things don’t always work out like you wish because there isn’t quite enough money, time, or energy.

I know that no matter what happens, though, you always get that nagging voice in the back of your head that asks, “What if? What if I just did it?”

Okay, maybe I don’t know you that well, but it’s an incredibly common feeling for almost everyone. There’s something you really want to do, but the time is never quite right and it just feels too risky.

Risk is a four-letter word these days and I don’t think it gets the respect it deserves.

You can work your whole life to keep risk at bay, but it comes at the cost of boredom. Anyone can elect safety, but you’ll pay for it with your life’s biggest desires.

If you ever want to realize your dreams – if you want to start that business, find that true love, go on that adventure, or anything else – risk is going to become an intimate part of your life.

Once you accept that, you can get on to actually taking them. Here are a few things you can do to make sure you do it right:

The fear of the unknown is paralyzing, but going toward your fears is the only way to actually get what you really want.

Everyone wants something out of reach, but the only thing keeping it there is your own belief. Once you convince yourself that it’s possible for you to achieve something, even if it’s not reasonable, you’re far more likely to actually work towards it.

Personally, I know that if it my goals don’t scare me, they probably aren’t worth doing.

Let’s face it, when you want to do something incredible, the odds are stacked against you. No way around it.

If everything was set up for you to succeed, no one would care when you did (including you).

Forgetting the odds means realizing that doing something important is hard work. It means understanding that success is uncertain and doing it anyway.

I plan to climb the tallest mountain on every continent. It’s a challenge that I cannot deny myself.

That said, I have no idea how to actually make that happen yet, and if I tried to figure out all the details now, I’d never even get started.

Instead, I plan only what I can foresee. Next year I’ll head to Europe and Africa to climb the tallest mountains there. I have no idea how I’ll get to the next five, but I know I’ll figure it out along the way.

Plan what you can count on. You’ll have to figure out the rest later.

Don’t forget this part. Take the first step. Make the leap. Get started. Do something.

This gets ignored far too often. You don’t have to change the world when you’re getting started, but if you just take the first step, eventually you will.

When I trained for my first marathon, I couldn’t run 26 miles. But I could put my shoes on. Then I could run 1 mile. Then 5. Then 10. A few months later, I ran 26.2 miles in less than 4 hours.

Make your first step the easiest one you can imagine.

Should you have a fallback plan? Here’s my answer: no.

When you’re going after something big, uncertain, and risky, it’s going to be hard and Plan B is usually something easy – probably even something you’ve already done before even if it makes you miserable.

The harder Plan A gets, the more appealing Plan B becomes. Some things are too important for a Plan B. It’s up to you to decide if this is one of them.

Tyler Tervooren writes for a highly skilled team of risk takers at Advanced Riskology. Follow his updates from the tops of mountains on Twitter: @tylertervooren.

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4 Ways to Turn Your Day Around

Every day is a new day, we never know what it holds in store for us. Just like Forrest Gump’s Mother so eloquently puts it “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you might get.” and she is so right.

Some days though, it can be hard to muster the enthusiasm, we wake on the wrong side. We just can’t find motivation, were surly and cannot help but get annoyed about every little irritating detail.

As you have probably read and heard before, your mood is completely your decision.

Sometimes though it can be very difficult to turn one of these days around.

Here are 4 tips that always help me get back on my feet:

1. Confront the problem

Ask yourself why you are in a bad mood. Often it can be something nagging at you that you need to get done that ruins your day.The best thing you can do is to confront the problem and do something to solve it. Once that is done you will feel much better.

2. Tell yourself you will be happy

The concept of speaking positively to yourself was first introduced to me by Brian Tracy at one of his seminars.
The idea is that the mind can only hold one type of thought at a time, either positive or negative. It can shift quickly between the two but only hold one at a time. By focusing on positive thoughts you force your brain to be positive over a longer period of time which often gets it to stick.

The 2 phrases “I like myself!” and “I am going to be happy today!” are a great recipe to turning a bad day into good.

Make the decision to be happy and you will be.

3. Exercise

Working out is my favorite way to get out of a really bad rut. By breaking a sweat you release endorphins into your body which calms you down. It is natures natural drug.

It also gives you a chance to take out your anger and put it into some good use.

4. Write an “I am grateful for…” list.

If nothing else works I sit down with a pen and a paper and list everything I am grateful for. It can be anything from family, friends, possessions, job, finances, looks, sports, knowledge or/and abilities.
Anything you can be thankful for.

Once you are done with the list you will see that you have nothing to be down about. Life is pretty good.

Conclusion
Your mood and your life are in your hands. It is always up to you how you feel. Stephen Covey puts it well “There is a gap between stimuli and response where self awareness and the ability to chose reside.”. Whenever something happens it is your decision if you are going to let it get you down or if you are going to turn it into something positive.

If you liked this article and want to read more like it, Daniel Wood runs the blog Looking To Business.com about Sales Technique, Motivation and Success.

Don’t Forget To Follow PickTheBrain on Twitter!

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WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF?

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of “I wish I was somebody else.” More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, “she looks so perfectly calm and confident.” But if you could read thru her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she’s thinking “are people talking about why I am seated here alone?... Why don’t guys find me attractive? …I don’t like my ankles, they look too skinny… I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.”

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say “Wooh… what else could he ask for?” He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, “I hate my big eyes… I wonder why my friends won’t talk to me… I hope mom and dad would still work things out.”

Isn’t it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth, and you – of all people, is the last to know.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she’s around, and she doesn’t notices how badly she became socially handicapped – gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like “do you think I am ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound so argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore you when were together?”. In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her your ears for comments and criticisms and don’t give her answers like “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help her improve her self.

One of Whitney Houston’s songs says “Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all.” True enough. In order to love others, you must love yourself too. Remember, you cannot give what you do not have.

Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we’ve got 10 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves.Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It’s the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.